theresgottabemoretolife

•November 6, 2009 • Leave a Comment

bar the cliche title, and that i just remembered its the url for val’s old blog.

before the inspiration runs out, there are a few things i want to blog about in relation to the above. the first of which is the utter wastefulness that is army.

now i know there are blog/conversationsoverlunch/randomoutings full worth of rants against the saf, but what i now find its utter wastefulness appalling (forgive the spelling). teck wee commented that my fellow male peeps (namely darren and daryl) are gainfuly employed by the saf. true ( or in dan’s words true dat!).but i do not doubt that like me, every day is a struggle to get one step closer to the weekend with every second that ticks away adding to the cynicsm that we have towards the army…daryl would easily give you a minithesis worth of reasons why ns is a waste of time, but don’t get him started. my point being. that there was a time when life meant so much more. where everyday we’d hate school, but go to school because of our friends and the prospect of learning and scoring and being driven towards the inevitible (A/O levels). now that all that is suddenly gone. there isn’t anything to bode us through the week but the weekend, and that just feels so incredibly wastefulwhen one considers that i’m about to do the same thing for the next, what 100 more weeks, where the agenda every day is to hope and pray to more closer to the weekend. i say we lengthen the weekend by a day or two to make the anticipation worth it. but i digress. again i suppose what i want to say is that NS is a complete waste of time, and the proof can be seen in every sane minded (to become insane) NSF and regular out there in their yearning for no greater purpose then the weekend. the argument is simple and emotional because i’ll let my very much more intellectual friends argue to nit and grit for me

next, i want to rant about icy tower. thats again, destroying and draining my life, but i can’t seem to get away from it. my eyesight is dying. thanks to my wretched psp, and long exposure to variouscomputer screens. but i can’t seem to get enough of icy tower because i can’t seem to reach the same levels of glory i did in the past when i hid in the debate room and played for hours…and i completed the game. HA! i used to own at it. clearly age takes away alot of fond ablities.

lastly, the lastest sales gimmick and absolute epitomy of the sinister and devious deceptive decrepid(am i even using the right word) example of capitalism…mcdonalds new monopoly ploy. i admit. i’m a sucker and had 3 mc donald meals in a row. i maintain i did not go out of my way to have them. but i am perhaps now more enlightened though no less in the hope of winning a prize.

by my very basic understanding of logic and problalities. everyone in singapore who eats macs and has a singaporean enough brain to peep at the tabs they give youis now waiting for the properties shenton way, scotts road, orchard road, joo chiat road, toa payoh, thompson road, tanjong rhu and of course…sentosa cove. you know what. they should have just printed duds and the above mentioned cards and not deceive people into thinking that it was that easy to win. well too bad mr mac donalds corp. i have uncovered your devious ploy and am now on my not so famous blog telling everyone about it, because it is a highly deceptive thing to do and morally wrong, for lack of a better phrase, and you should not be deceviing people into wasting so much money on a product that has false gurantees and is fundamentally bad for your health.

so please, if you happen to have an extra value meal and get the above mentioned tabs, give them to me! and we can work out a way to share the prizes.

=)

dance, dance

•November 4, 2009 • 2 Comments

So, better times. -from the last entry-
3 days MC and some time to myself,the tuition kid and yici (:
excellent.

does it occur to anyone that people have like a blogging language that is so different, and bizzare, from the way they actually talk. /hm.

lastly.
bryan is getting a strong urge to dance.
after, what was a disappointing night at play.
where can you get nice music, space and free time for your friends to go groove out with you.
coughs

“She walked out of my life

•October 22, 2009 • Leave a Comment

and never looked back”.

its weird that here, smack in the middle of being a 6 month soldier i’m feeling quite, well very, stressed out. its an odd and curious feeling because army boys aren’t supposed to have to need to feel stressed, especially people in my position, but i do.

so, cue sigh, cue tuition, cue army, cue relationship difficulties. and here i am.

i’m going to be candid.
today, i feel like i’ve had to be an incredibly patient entity. which is just about stressing the shitness out of me.
i worked my way into trouble with yici
such that i’m pretty much effectively banished to the realms of singlehood, quite in the manner of how a man would be banished from the bed to the sofa by his wife. then i had the luxury, and honor because they’ve really got to care enough to not care about you, of being abandoned by my wonderful store mates who decided to leave a whole 2 hours before i did without getting any punishment because i wonderfully decided that it just wasn’t worth ratting on them. so then tuition comes along and to put a cherry on my wonderful day my tuition kid decides to be an utter prick in a way you’d expect any little cheeky sec 1 kid to be, which means he was being normal and immature, and incredibly i excersied the patience to have a nice 45min pep talk with him. which by the way i do not feel the least bit guilty of having earned 20 bucks in the proccess, it should have been more.

so
now i’m a bit bummed.
i’m, lonely, stressed, and well, not quite in a good mood but yet i want to talk to someone, but theres just about a wall worth of people to talk to.

goodnight, i love you.

Lull

•October 7, 2009 • 2 Comments

“It’s only been a while since I last tried to blog but it’s been a long long while since I actually blogged. ” – Edmund

Ok so he’s not famous or whatever, yet i suppose is a fair qualifier, but the posts of my friends have often inspired me to blog, or try to. It has been a long time since i’ve said anything useful on this blog. Useful in the way of self reflection less so that it makes for good reading.

There’s a certain sort of lull in my life now. Its said that army changes people. Maybe i’m still waiting it to happen, but perhaps whats certain is that there’s a lot more time to think, think and regret and perhaps, hopefuly, learn.

I’ve always looked on to my JC years in woeful mourning that i did not make much more out of it. The attitudes i took into it were horrendous to say the least. Lacksadasical, overconfident, immature, and i’ve duely paid the price for it, though i must say my results were lucked out. Whats annoying, and perhaps terrifying, is that its continuing even now in army. Perhaps its my misfortune for having the skin condition that i have. Perhaps i should have done more in dealing with it, coping with it, living with it and engange in the type of lifestyles my otherwise able bodied male friends are facing in their army life. Their stories sound so much more interesting than mine, and its not like i have a physical disposition that completely bars me from ‘chionging’, i just think sometimes it would be nice.

Army, objectively has not been kind. Ever since BMT ended, i think i’ve got the worse end of any deal i could possibly hope for. Perhaps my expectations of a slack life behind a computer in an aircon room with other jc kids was set abit too high. But i suppose thats the way life deals.

BMT was, well not exactly an eye opener, but a new experience nontheless. Interacting with people who regard ‘JC’ kids as a whole new breed of people who are traditionally book smart and well off (mind you well off meaning without a need to struggle through life). they’re nice enough to reserve further judgement, but i suppose thats the way they are. Its not like i’ve never had a chance to interact with these people, i’ve had many friends who’ve gone along their paths, but it was nontheless still a rough experience because i found it hard to connect with them. There was always an element of superiority. I am disgusted with myself for this, but i indulged in it then because i thought i deserved a better place than pegasus coy and hence a better posting.

Perhaps its God’s way of kicking me in the butt to say “hey i’m trying to teach you a lesson”, and posted me to pretty much similiar conditions. I’m unhappy that i’m in a position where i’m overworked and underpaid due to a severely fucked up rank structure. and regretting that i never tried to rough it out in a more combat fit pes and maybe ord earlier.

the point of saying all this?
regret i suppose is whats come out of my experience in ns so far.
This year has been wasteful.
Evidently i learnt nothing from my A levels.
The one vital lesson, was that i should have taken my future, my university future, with far greater importance than i did.
I always rested behind the aegis of National Service, and it became a lie and a convenient excuse.
Brought into this year, i took my university apps way too lightly.
Perhaps i’m more aware of what i want to do with law now.

on a side note, i think i’ve finally begun stepping out of the shell of introvertedness i’ve been in over the past year and a half or so. slowly. hopefully. =\

anyway, having spoken to my relatives i think i’m more aware of what i want to do with law. again reflecting on how immature i took things the first time round, i hope i don’t waste the chance again.

alas the ending,
its so hard to blog an ending.
endings will always bring me back to my lit essays for harris.
where i resorted to simply ending abruptly because i couldn’t think up a smart enough ending that didn’t sound utterly pretencious or formulaic.
but i think endings are important.

the greatest bitch of them all

•August 18, 2009 • Leave a Comment

you know it

you know that your birthdays suck
(as an annual affair)
when it starts disappointing you
before the day itself.

madness

•August 4, 2009 • Leave a Comment

icarus

what if he had known what he was doing.
what if he had just so wanted that last grasp of freedom
consumed by its vigor and seduction
where the perfect ending was death a thousand feet below.

no title

•July 10, 2009 • Leave a Comment

very irritable and emotional these days.
lost law
lost interest
don’t know what to do with my life.

a little late i know.
but Rest in Peace Michael Jackson.

to me, if not everyone, the irreplacable king of pop.
no other artist has captivated me as much as he did
from the age of 4 listening to billie jeans
to the tears cried over heal the world and what about us
and the music like jam bad and beat it that is simply if not purely energising to the soul.
there will be no one like him
not in a lifetime.

i found you

•July 5, 2009 • Leave a Comment

thank you to al and joel.
they say people drift
but for these two who have been with me for almost all my life (figuratively and literally)
thank you

not good.

•June 28, 2009 • Leave a Comment

my heads whirly
may be from the mocha
or might be from the now very infectious h1n1…though i cannot imagine who i’ve been in contact with to have been spread the virus.

i know my blog has been reflecting nothing more than my abject depression to army.

love.
tonight it shall be mildly different
for this week
i am on course
and i get to stay out
and i ahve to wake up at fucking 530 tomorrow so that i won’t be late.

in other news.
transformers is not all that bad.
if you put aside the very very very thin plot and the very chessy amateur drama class conceptualisations…because it is after all supposed to primarily be a brainless testosterone bath…its quite a nice show
i mean
megan fox
+
-spoilet warning-
a very very nicely pimped out optimus prime
=
pretty decent guy show.
(oh the transformer fight scenes aren’t all that bad either -gooo bumblebeeee-)

finally
my life isn’t back on track.
i am still depressed.
i’m likely (very) to get rejected by law in the next few days
and i’m also very unlikely (Very) to get posted to a new vocation.
the bright side is perhaps that i’m back on relatively good terms with yici. i know i should starve off all the things these past 2 years have put on me. i want to start anew and be independent again. but i’m sure as hell thankful to have her by my side. however misguided a relationship this may seem to be, her love and care for me really has been something i can rely on getting no matter how fucked up my day/week has been, though being the emo nemo that i am, also has been a severe distraction, a fault which i’m trying hard to work on. never on this blog has this ever been mentioned, but i am very thankful and in love with her who has silently (well not soooo silently these last 2 days) took my shit.

5 hours more till i have to wake up.
not good.

twisting

•June 25, 2009 • Leave a Comment

for love, it seemed, had gone too far.
their screams and cries like sirens on the wind
tomorrow would never come,
the torture will never end,
its wrath and toll claimed their souls
and mercy was close but still a lifetime away
how do they keep smiling, amidst their woe.

-edit-
in other words.
i’m locked up in my specially designed hell for another 2 years.
no letters will get me out.
i’m dead.