just keep telling yourself…

that it’ll be okay.
camp…really isn’t that bad i suppsoe
hey, i’m out here on a weekday at 850pm
except, i’ve got to be back before 12…
i’m letting the incredulity set it
how i’ve been fucked over by the army
how i’ve been fucked over by life
how i’ve been fucked over by a lot of things

it really isn’t that bad i suppose.
its really slack
promises to be really really siao busy
and honestly, the people seem really nice.
i suppose that changes when you start living with them and shit
but at least on the first impression
they’re really very nice people
and its making these first few very lonely and miserable days that much better.
if only i could warm up to them faster
if only i could warm up.

oddly enough
with nothing to look forward to when i get out of camp
save the precious luxuries of home
camp really seems the nicest warmest (depressingly sad considering how cold and lonely it already is) place around.
i hope it does once i get to know this really queerly funny group of people where i seem to be a dire misfit.

today i was supposed to be out with my girlfriend

it kind of sucks that she couldn’t make it
and i really was kinda looking forward to going out with her
little by little she’s become my only solace
and now she’s gone
and i’m staying in.
perhaps i really am meant to be alone.

if theres one ethos that i will gain from these early very depressing very sad and lonely days in the middle of a fucking garage with my dreams of a desk job blown to bits under a fucking 5 tonner, it will be that i’m probably meant to do things alone. i’ve gotten through some of the worst shit life could throw at me (note this is in relation to my dispostion) and survived on my own. its lonely as hell, but hey at least my life was a slow struggle where i secretly enjoyed my success -insert image of a little child squatting in the snow, face alit with the joy from the warmth of a candlelight-

its early days yet
but army is really really teaching me to enjoy myself as a civilian
to appreciate that we truly are all alone in this world
because eventually people will have their own appointmnets that are always gonna be more important then you.
once in a while i suppose life throws a spanner in your face to show you that you, in ‘its’ eyes, and the eyes of everyone else close to you or not, are insignificant, unimportant and expandable.

i will survive
i am insignificant to you
but i will survive.

alone again, naturally

i think.i’m being punished early for my sins.
i’ve hit a really bad string of bad luck.
now topped off by an incredibly fucked up posting
where for the next one and a half years
my life will be…in an army camp.

and then…
i think life wants me to learn to take this on my own.
to grow up
stop relying on others.
cause at the end of the day
they’ll all have their own errands to run, more important events to attend too, and basically be in a situation that sucks much less then yours.

so…
balls to you
i can do this on my own!

and then again
famous last words

misses studying

because there really isn’t much else to do

a real post

i understand how much i use this blog
and how incredibly little i use it.

the past few weeks have been weird.
yici says its army,
i find it depressing but perhaps not entirely unexpected.

i refer to my increasing withdrawal from the world
incapability to talk to many of the people whom i’ve loved talking to
incapability to socialise
and a general increase in my predominant jadedness, which of course could likely be the reason to everything else.

my apologies to everyone whom i’ve given a sub par effort in caring to talk
i can’t understand it,
it just isn’t something instinctive anymore
and it depresses me because there was a time when socialising seemed like such an easy thing to do
getting to know new people and stuff.

it makes me wish that i could just wake up one day
in a new place in a new time with no memory no inhibition
just a chance to start afresh on a new challenge that hasn’t already made me bored with life

i’m also sick with a law interview which i’m bound to fuck up coming in 5 days.

pick and roll

with a story to tell

7 weeks
and its over.

still fighting

rahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhauhruhauhrwljlishahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
=(

halos of the sun

Departure

Faded lines on faded heart.
Watch this broken piece of art
Like the flower beside the tree
All the things that would never be
Winter with its threat of snow
Death to love, the bells that toll.

All the memories ever made,
lost in the leaves of the crimson fall.
would you have said,
if you had known at all
better to have love and lost
than never to have love at all

where are my sweet septembers

no particular reason to the title

i need a sunrise
a nice sunrise thats so beautiful it makes you cry

apparnetly theres lots of them in tekong

rage against the system

ok
1
2
3
FUCK YOU CPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
i can never escape it
no matter how i try.

why oh why oh why
=|

and
again

fuck you psc

one more

fuck you sia

hahahahahahahaa
ok…fine…i deserved the last two =\
still…
stupid governmental organisations

is like a box of chocolates

run forest run.

and thats just about what i feel like doing

keep running till i fall and collapse in painful laughter

except…
i con’t run
and won’t to save my life.